Today we tell the story of MissJoanna2U and her benzo experiences. If you wish to share your own Benzo Story we would be honored to tell it.
Please give an overview of why you were prescribed benzos, which sort and for how long.
I was prescribed Diazepam in a drug and alcohol treatment center because I had been taking 10mg illegally for a few months due manage stress and it also formed a part of my addictive past for which I take responsibility.
I wanted them to prescribe me around 10mg when I gave up taking other drugs as part of my mission to get clean and instead, without explanation, they updosed me to 30mg.
Were you informed about the risks of dependency, tolerance, addiction or withdrawal?
I was misled, as I had made it clear that I needed to run a business and keep my life going and that was the whole point of me coming into outpatient treatment. I asked the Doctor if there were any side effects and he said '“As long as you stay busy you'll be fine.”
I also didn’t know about the tapering process so asked him and in different conversations he said different things and shut me down several times.
I feel I was systematically lied to by the very people who should have known better and if it wasn't for taking them as prescribed beyond that point I would have tapered down, and I would likely not have gone into tolerance withdrawal after 5 weeks, lost my health and then had a 3 year + taper.
Do you have any underlying conditions that have been affected by this?
Yes I believe so. Addiction, trauma (I was raped earlier that year, as well as having a lifetime of complex trauma issues). I have to say that I never asked to be medicated for either of these issues beyond being given enough Diazepam. I've spent a lot of time taking responsibility for my side of this, but being updosed by 200% was in no way justified and I am in the process of making a complaint.
I've realised that far from my background as as addict being a justification for this prescription, it's actually the opposite. People with addictive pasts should not be given such high doses unless they are coming off alcohol and severe risk of a seizure and I wasn't addicted to alcohol at all. We are even more vulnerable to dependence.
Did you experience withdrawal symptoms while still taking your medication as prescribed? If so, what were they?
Yes, I went into severe tolerance withdrawal after about 5 weeks. The symptoms were extreme fatigue, back pain, memory loss, over-sedation and brain fog. At some point I lost my ability to exercise and was so weak at times I could hardly pick something up while in the bath. I thought I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or cancer until it clicked that it was the benzos.
The full list of symptoms I experienced while on the full dose were:
Severe muscle aches especially in my back and lower body
Extreme fatigue
Muscle weakness
Dizziness
Headaches
Anterograde amnesia
Concentration problems
Depression
Increased anxiety
Sleep disturbance - increased and unpredictable sleeping
Anhedonia
Complete loss of sex drive
If you are tapering, please tell us about this experience including your symptoms.
The tapering process has been incredibly hard so far. I'm now on just under 19mg and have been tapering for 6.5 months down from 30mg. I work for myself, and have no safety net and for the first 3 months was working the offices of a very difficult client who eventually fired me in a very cruel way. Since then I've been working from home with a host of symptoms, including:
Headache
Sweating
Muscular skeletal - muscle pain, stiffness and aches (limbs, back, neck, jaw)
Neurological
Dizziness, light-headed
Photo phobia, vision lags behind eye movements
Faintness and dizziness, sense of unsteadiness
Confusion, disorientation (may be intermittent) – a common cause of confusion in older patients
Paranoia
Gastrointestinal
Diarrhea (may resemble irritable bowel syndrome)
Psychological
Nightmares
Anxiety, panic attacks
Irritability, restlessness, agitation
Poor memory and concentration
Perceptual distortions – sensory hypersensitivity (light, sound, taste)
Metallic taste
Derealisation
Depression
Is there anything else you would like our readers to know about your benzo experience?:
Although I take responsibility for a portion of my current situation, it is important that readers know that I believe the updose from 10mg to 30mg by an irresponsible Psychiatrist was detrimental to me and that I would not be having anything like as hard a time if I had been given the correct amount in the first place so as to taper.
There is no doubt about this in my mind or in the mind of anyone who knows me intimately. I want also people to know that am also nearly 11 months clean of all drugs except benzos and that I do not consider myself an addict anymore; this is a process of physical dependence without the features of addiction, such as the search for short term pleasure at the expense of longer term pain. I would do anything to be able to stop immediately and never take them again.
I'm trying to keep things in the day and not let fear rule me. I am not going to give up.
Final words from Benzo Warrior
Thank you so much to MissJoanna2U for being so brave and sharing your story with us. We hope this helps others feel less alone with the experiences they are having as they take charge of their health and withdraw from these medications.
We are here to support you as much as we can in the Benzo Warrior Community as you continue your taper and head towards healing and recovery.
It is worth noting that anyone taking these medications is at risk of dependence, tolerance and addiction, even when taken exactly ‘as prescribed’.