Today we talk to Laurie who has agreed to share her experiences with benzodiazepines, psych drugs and withdrawal. If you wish to share your own Benzo Story we would be honored to tell it. This story has been written in Lauries own words and it carries a TRIGGER WARNING for sensitive readers (suicide attempts).
It started with Clonazepam
I have been on Clonazepam for 24 years for Fibromyalgia. I am so thankful to be allergic to opiates as the Dr also tried to put me on Oxycodone.
So, I started and over the years I had my medication increased to 8 mg. I was also put on Celexa, Baclofen and Gabapentin.
Memory issues
Last year I realized I was losing my memory and I decided to think about weaning from my meds. Baclofen first and then Gabapentin.
I asked my Doctor for her help and she marched me out the door. So, baclofen first. It was successful. Gabapentin next. A success...so I thought. I was in psychosis and I was delirious.
Hospitalization and CT (cold turkey)
One evening after work I went upstairs and took all the meds I had weaned from and all of the other 90 day supplies of these gems. I kissed my husband good night and thought nothing of it.
I awoke in the hospital. I had been on life support for 2 months and I was 1 day from having the plug pulled. Then the Doctor cold turkeyed me. I was like a wild animal. I smashed my head against the walls, I punched myself, I tried strangling myself. I couldn't sleep and my body was convulsing.
Reinstated to Librium, then back to Clonazepam
I was reinstated in an emergency room to Librium after another attempt on my life. I gained clarity for a moment. I went to my Dr. and she wrote me a letter firing me from her medical assistance. I called a former Dr. who had supplied me with 8 mg of Clonazepam. I decided to take only 3 each day.
Suicidal Ideation
Long story short, I have been hospitalized 5 times for suicidal ideation. Each time I was able to talk with a Psychiatrist who helped me to understand what had happened to me. Of course they added more toxins to the list of meds.
I am making progress
I am down to 1.5 mg of Clonazepam and I have a great therapist and a new Primary care physician.
I am doing biofeedback to retrain my brain and I am interviewing a Psychiatrist from the last visit at the hospital I was at. I know how I want to experience my new life while tapering very slowly and living a fulfilling life.
Hell, last December, I didn't even know what a benzo was. I am so fortunate to have found this group.
You are so encouraging and informative. I look forward to seeing all of your triumphs through this thing called "LIFE".
Final Words from Benzo Warrior
Thank you so much Laurie for sharing your story with us. We hope this helps others feel less alone with the experiences they are having as they take charge of their health and withdraw from these medications.
It is worth noting that anyone taking these medications is at risk of dependence, tolerance and addiction, even when taken exactly ‘as prescribed’.
If you are in need of support as you withdraw and heal from these medications please join us in the private Benzo Warrior Community on Facebook.