Today we are telling the story of Kevin and his journey of healing and recovery from benzodiazepines. This is written in his own words. If you wish to share your own Benzo Story we would be honored to tell it.
How it Began - Cancer Diagnosis
“My long journey began in 1984 as I was misdiagnosed and told I may have cancer. I will never, ever forget those words! Those words put me in a tailspin which resulted in being admitted to a mental ward where I was diagnosed with depressive anxiety. During my hospital stay I was given Xanax and Tofranil (antidepressant) which took me over a year to get get adjusted to.
Taken ‘As Prescribed’ and Not Warned
Over the next 30 years I was religious in taking the same dosages and never missing a dose. I specifically asked my psychiatrist if I could get “addicted” to these.
He assured me no since I “didn’t have an addictive personality”.
New Doctor in 2015
Skip ahead to 2015 as I was seeing a new doctor during my routine physical. I was asked what meds I was taking and listed both. I want to point out I had never had issues with these meds over the 30 years. I stayed on them because I was told they would not harm me and they helped me relax.
The new doctor said I needed to get off them and I said fine I will stop today. He said no that could “kill you” and I needed to see a psychiatrist.
He referred me to a UCLA doctor who has saved my life.
Tapering Began August 2016
I was fortunate to see a young Addiction Specialist Psychiatrist who was well versed in benzos. So I began my taper in August 2016. Little did I know how hard this would become.
We did a very slow taper off each drug and transitioned to other meds in the journey.
Many, many times I wanted to give up. I was so sick I couldn’t attend my mother’s funeral. I went to my daughter’s out of state college graduation in sheer panic. I was determined to succeed.
Acceptance Was Key
I had so many symptoms I now try and block out. Every reduction felt like torture and then something changed. Near the end of my taper I realized finally I was beating this.
I ACCEPTED I didn’t feel great at times but I was healing. Acceptance was the key to me.
Four and a half weeks ago I completed my “very low and slow taper”.
I don’t yet feel 100% but I am close. The journey was worth it although I questioned it many, many times.
You Can Do This
Hang in there - you will heal also!! If after 30 years of dosing 3 times a day I was able to do it you will too.”
Final Words From Benzo Warrior
Thank you so much Kevin for sharing your story with us. We hope this helps others feel less alone with the experiences they are having as they take charge of their health and withdraw from these medications. We are here to support you as much as we can in the Benzo Warrior Community.
For our readers, if you are on these medications please do not stop abruptly (cold turkey) as the risks include seizures, psychosis and death. The only safe way is a slow taper. Ashton recommends 5-10% of the previous dose every 2-4 weeks but some find this is still too fast and they must taper at 3% per month.