Today we interview Hendy who has agreed to share his experiences with benzodiazepines and withdrawal. If you wish to share your own Benzo Story we would be honored to tell it.
Please give an overview of why you were prescribed benzos, which sort and for how long?
First of all, please excuse my English as it's not my primary language. My name is Hendy and I'm from Indonesia. I was prescribed Xanax for about 17 years by psychiatrists. It was given to help treat my OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).
There were also other psych drugs my psychiatrists prescribed me such as an antidepressant and an antipsychotic. My highest dose of Xanax before I did the withdrawal was 2 mg per day. My psychiatrist was the one who told me to get off the benzo since it was dangerous, although the psychiatrist wanted me to keep consuming other psych drugs such as the antipsychotic.
In my early phase of the withdrawal, my psychiatrist guided me, then after that I did it on my own, including getting off the antipsychotic (as far as I can remember, the antipsychotic was the one I consumed besides benzo at that time). I did a slow taper for 1.5 years and I was finally free from Xanax by April 2017; thus became free from all psych drugs for good.
Were you informed about the risks of dependency, tolerance, addiction or withdrawal?
No, I was not informed about any risks.
Did you experience withdrawal symptoms while still taking your medication as prescribed? If so, what were they?
Yes, I think it was more apparent after I took it for a long time, but during those times I didn't know that my body was getting sicker, nor did I suspect the role psych drugs had on this.
The symptoms were mainly liver damage such as severe itching all around my body, serious fatigue, hair loss, and later on, protruding belly and excessive weight gain. I remember asking my psychiatrist about the severe itching but he had no idea, he couldn't connect the dots between my symptoms and the psych drugs.
The hair loss got more severe as I went through the withdrawal.
Do you have any underlying conditions that have been affected by this?
My OCD got more severe post the withdrawal.
What other symptoms did you experience while tapering?
There were some symptoms while I was tapering, but they weren't many, unlike the post tapering period when many diseases, mainly inflammation, went full force, struck me almost simultaneously, all of which I believe was caused mainly by psych drugs.
How long have you been free and what positive changes have you had in your life since?
I have been benzo free since April of 2017, so it has been more than 2 years.
The positive changes I've had since then is having knowledge about my own body, about holistic health, how body organs are connected and how nutrition can affect them.
I myself, have been healing my body on my own.
As for my OCD, after watching many great psychologists and mental health experts, I'm convinced that ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention), along with nutrition and healthy lifestyle such as exercise, is the key to managing OCD - not a psych drug.
Do you have any remaining symptoms?
I still have had some issues although not as severe as before, having suffered many more illnesses around my withdrawal / post withdrawal phase that I am sure were mainly caused by psych drugs.
My symptoms that I've still currently had are liver problem, gastritis, acid reflux and suspected nephroptosis.
All of them are getting better as I keep healing my self mainly by nutrition, supplements and lifestyle (such as doing specific yoga for my suspected nephroptosis); overall, using a holistic healing approach.
Would you like to include a quote or some words of encouragement for those still recovering?
Never ever give up. I personally believe that anyone who has ever touched psych drugs should cleanse their liver, the most important organ in the body which can give many symptoms if damaged.
I also believe that many symptoms related to benzo / other psych drugs withdrawal aren't caused by the withdrawal itself, but by the damage of internal organs / inner parts of the body that those drugs can create.
Keep searching for the root cause of your symptoms. Don't get discouraged if health practitioners don't believe you, laugh at you, tell you your problem is only in your head or push you to consume back your psych drugs, all just because you haven't had the correct tests to identify your problem.
Doing an internet search can really help here to know what kind of tests you really need. Consulting a doctor of functional medicine is an excellent way to get full recovery as they have different mindset from mainstream health practitioners; functional medicine addresses the root cause of your health problem, they know how body organs are interconnected, and how nutrition, supplements and lifestyle can help affect them. Correct knowledge is the key.
Also, be patient if in your darkest hour facing this psych drugs withdrawal, many people that you have connection with, or those that you know - except the ones who really love you - leave you alone. Know that this all happen to many of us. Be patient.
Is there anything else you would like our readers to know about your benzo experience?
Yes. Below were my confirmed diagnoses using medical tests. Keep in mind that many of these tests were in fact requested by myself to doctors / specialists after my relentless internet search. The tests were really able to identify my problems after many previous tests which showed nothing.
Confirmed diagnoses by tests:
periodontal disease (inflamed gum - I had dental surgery for this)
GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease)
proctitis, colitis
gastritis (stomach inflammation) - I lost about 20 kg / 44 lbs, looked like a skeleton
appendicitis (I did appendectomy (a surgery) for this)
NASH (non-alcoholic steatohepatitis, basically means inflammed fatty liver, which is an advanced form of fatty liver, although my hepatologist said my NASH was still on its early stage) - hair loss was also one of my liver symptoms.
There were other diseases / symptoms I suspected too, such as:
depersonalization
desynchronization in talking / typing
histamine intolerance
silent reflux / LPR as my acid reflux type rather than regular GERD
nephroptosis (floating kidney)
bone / joint pain / weakness / cracking
suspected blood sugar issues, shown by frequent hunger despite eating and waking up at night 1-2 times to urinate
Finally, I want to say thank you to all benzo / psych drugs withdrawal support websites / community / experts, your dedication is greatly appreciated.
Please keep spreading awareness about the dangers of benzodiazepines and other psych drugs, as well as being great supporting platforms for us benzo / psych drugs victims.
Final Words from Benzo Warrior
Thank you so much Mohammad for sharing your story with us. We hope this helps others feel less alone with the experiences they are having as they take charge of their health and withdraw from these medications.
It is worth noting that anyone taking these medications is at risk of dependence, tolerance and addiction, even when taken exactly ‘as prescribed’.
If you are in need of support as you withdraw and heal from these medications please join us in the private Benzo Warrior Community on Facebook.