How It All Began
My name is Christy, and I am 44 years old. I was first placed on my first benzodiazepines when I was 24 years old. I received the prescriptions from my family doctor for digestive issues.
My doctor told me he believed the cause for these digestive symptoms was anxiety. Over the years, my body became more and more tolerant to the benzodiazepines. As a result, my dosages of the medications continued to climb.
More Medications
The doctor switched my original benzodiazepine to Klonopin, and I slowly became sicker and sicker. At 35, I had to have back surgery and leave my job. The back surgery resulted in complications. As a result, I was placed on Tramadol. During this time, I continued to take Klonopin. At 40 years of age, the Klonopin began producing paradoxical effects and started to have debilitating panic attacks. I went to the Emergency Room several times.
Sent to Rehab
I was told by my doctor that I was in crisis mode and that I needed to go to rehab. I went to rehab where they detoxed me on Librium for 18 days. This caused a severe reaction and I experienced horrific symptoms such as panic, the ground moving, as well as internal and external shaking. I called 911 from the rehab because I was so frightened. As a result, I was discharged from the rehab on the basis that they considered me to be a drug- seeker.
Ongoing Deterioration
My husband picked me up and brought me home. At this point in time, I was in a really bad place. On day 25 of the withdrawal, my daughter, husband and I drove to the beach and there is where my condition continued to deteriorate. I was later told that what I had experienced was a psychotic episode. I had gone out on to a bridge to take my life. As I got to the center part of the bridge and climbed on to the rail, a police officer saw me and tackled me back before I could jump. I was sent to a psychiatric hospital for seven days and then entered back into the rehab for 30 days.
FREEDOM
I have been FREE from this poison for three years now and have even won two women’s physique shows, I am present for my 11-year-old son, who has down syndrome, and needs me. I am also there for my 5-year-old daughter, who is starting kindergarten. I GET TO TEACH HER FROM HOME during this pandemic and I FEEL SO BLESSED AND HONORED I AM HEALTHY AND PRESENT TO DO SO! The road back has NOT BEEN EASY.
I am still very much fighting in my recovery. After my last physique show, I had a HUGE WAVE hit me. For the past 8 months, I have not been able to drive long distance. I am not sure if it is agoraphobia, but every time I get about 5 miles from my home, I get light headed and my chest tightens up. I am still very sensitive to stimulation and my emotions are very new and sensitive.
I love that I can watch something funny and genuinely laugh. I haven't felt laughter in over 13 years. WHAT A GIFT IT IS TO LAUGH!! I was just a kid that grew up in church loving God. I loved to go on mission trips to Brazil, New York, and St. Croix. I was also a virgin until age 25 (which I now realize that decision was an altered decision because of the effects from the benzodiazepines).
Benzos Had Such a Huge Impact on My Life
My life was filled with morals and character. I trusted my doctor that I needed these medications. When I first started taking benzos, I experienced relief. I did feel great, similar to how a person who feels relaxed on a glass of wine. I have never had alcohol, so I do not know for sure. Since it was prescribed to me, I justified taking it as a medicine that was for my health.
I did not realize that I was swallowing poison, injuring my brain and subsequently destroying my life. In my 30’s, I even walked into a store and took a laundry basket. I was so altered and did not even realize it. This event led to me being charged with petite larceny. SO MUCH DESTRUCTION FROM A GIRL WHO WAS RAISED WITH A MORAL COMPASS AND A PASSION FOR PEOPLE. IT IS STILL HARD FOR ME TO BELIEVE THIS IS MY STORY.
In my view, benzodiazepines should not be legal to prescribe! What I do know for sure is the destruction it has caused my family. There is no justice in my mind. I chose to take these medications because I trusted my doctor.
Final Words From Benzo Warrior
Thank you so much Christy for sharing your story with us to help raise awareness. We are so very sorry for what have been through.
For our readers, if you are on these medications please do not stop abruptly (cold turkey) as the risks include seizures, psychosis and death. It is worth noting that anyone taking these medications is at risk of dependence, tolerance and addiction, even when taken exactly ‘as prescribed’.
If you are in need of support as you withdraw and heal from these medications please join us in the private Benzo Warrior Community on Facebook.
Written by: Rose Yesha. You can reach Rose at pharmademix@gmail.com and Pharmademix